work: teaching english in brazil

lets discuss a very easy way to make money in brazil.


teach english! this sounds completely cliche. but the fact of the matter is brazil needs native speaking english teachers... yesterday. most of the english teachers here in brazil are, in fact, brazilian. now... i'm not saying that they're not competent, but truth be told a lot of them only have their credentials by graduating from an english course. they have no practical experience in speaking english (like living abroad for an extended period of time... and no, that 6 months they spent in vermont didn't quite teach them everything they needed to know)


that being said, the people here are crazy about learning english from a native speaker. seriously. don't worry if you aren't the worlds best spellur or didn't get a degree in english from harvard. you'll most likely be teaching people very basic english.


what about my english teaching certs?!? sure get them. no one will care unless you are trying to get a job at an accredited institution. they only care that you are a native speaker.


i would strongly suggest, if possible, that you do private teaching. it's much more lucrative and allows you to create your own schedule. (you weren't going to work during beach hours were you?)


if you want to work for a school, apply (preferably in person), and follow their lead. if not...


soooo... how do i get my students?


first thing... you need is business cards. nothing says, "look at how fancy i am with my business cards" than, well, business cards. these can be printed cheaply and every town has someone that will do it.


second thing... you have to be social. period. go out and talk to people. tell them that you ARE an english teacher. tell them that's what you do down here. dont tell them that you are a biochemist who teaches english on the side, just that you teach english. this will pique their interest.


third thing... settle on a price. be prepared to spit it out when asked. cause they will ask you. tell them you sell lesson packages or that its X amount per hour.


fourth thing... set up the class and learn someone some english!


you will need material to teach english. you can download about a billion different lesson plans off the internet. however, i'll save you some trouble and put a link (use yer brain on which files to download... no not the babyface one, sheesh) to a book that is pretty awesome. each lesson is meant to be one hour. show up and follow the book. so easy you could do it.


NOTE: this may contain copyrighted material. consult the angel and devil on your shoulders on whether or not you should download.
http://search.4shared.com/network/search.jsp?searchmode=2&searchName=face2face


now for some pointers and other helpful tips:

• sell packages. hands down the best tip i can offer you regarding payment and charging people. lower the cost per lesson when selling lessons (think about if you were buying lessons at costco) this will also ensure the students don't give up after one lesson. be flexible with your packages as some people cant pay a ton of money.
• collect the money BEFORE your lessons. sell the package and get the money upfront.
• be on time. they probably won't. but still... they're paying you.
• have a cancellation policy and be upfront about it. people will cancel on you 10 minutes for your lesson. and you will probably be standing outside their place.
• do the lesson at their house. be careful who you have lessons with at your house. also, cafes are a good spot to meet for a lesson.
• do NOT waste time by shooting the shit. this is a BIG problem down here with students and private tutors. you can chat about big brother brasil before or after the class. they'll NEVER criticize you for sticking to teaching english.
• offer customized lessons. a lot of people just don't like english, but they need to learn it for their job. offer a lesson on restaurant english, clothing store english, etc. sometimes them learning how to say every animal in the zoo in english isn't anywhere near as helpful to them as teaching them to cut someone off at the bar in english.
• teach slang. teach slang. teach slang. this is a big problem learning any language. i'm not saying teach dirty words, but i'm also not saying don't teach dirty words. what i'm saying is if they hit the streets and don't know that "don't know" is the same thing as "dunno" they're going to have problems with comprehension. every brazilian will tell you that portuguese is full of slang that without you'd have a hard time having day to day conversations.
• put up flyers around schools.
• offer customized lessons to owners of local businesses.
• be patient... very patient.
• have fun with it.

english is hands down the easiest way to make money and go into business for yourself. you probably won't be buying a new yacht with money you make, but if dont right, you will make money.

quick note: if you are an asshat, are non-social, have no patience, have no self-confidence, like to randomly attack people, or are an asshat i wouldn't try this... at anyones home.

questions? got a tip? throw it in the comment box below.

let's talk about fries. yes, french fries.

fries? really? yep.


french fries are very common down here in brazil. they are found quite frequently as a side dish. especially in restaurants that charge by the kilo, barbeques, and many other places.


i've never really considered fries as a side dish, i've just considered them as well... fries. 


but... before you dig in, here's something you should know. since it is viewed as a side dish down here, it's very common that if they end up on a plate that you'll eat them with your fork. so much for finger foods! respect your fries!


make sure that you do NOT come off as a neanderthal when in brazil (and most other parts of south america as well) and start munching those things with your hands. down here we eat them with a fork. now, we're talkin' fancy!


there is an exception to this rule of course. if you pick them up at a fast food joint (mcdonalds, bobs, etc.) apparently, the rules change and it is ok for you to eat them with your hands. i can almost guarantee you, this will be the minority of times you will eat fries here.


remember: if on a plate, eat them with your fork. if served from a fast food joint, go for it like you just got out of the wild.

3g usb modems - good idea or bad idea?

something that has become very common down here is people using 3g usb modems.


for some people, this is bred out of necessity. they just don't have internet access where they live. for others, they may need it to travel with and always have an internet connection.


however, if you are down here and pricing out your internet options, i would strongly advise against purchasing one of these.


why come, mr.negativo? well, that's senhor negativo to you and i'll tell you.


first of all, they offer limited bandwidth. they top out at around 1mb down. that means that when you are downloading something you will see a speed of around 100kbps. i come from land of uber download speeds. i miss you uber download speeds. you don't even write anymore.


well, here's the kicker, in my neighborhood they have DSL. but the top bandwidth speed is 1mb down. yes, the same speed as the usb modem. so, why wouldn't you just get the option that offers mobility?


most all of the 3g usb internet providers have recently changed their policy and plans. you no longer pay for internet speed. you pay for internet usage. you will see that these plans involve things like, 1gb, 2gb, 4gb, and 8gb. what that means is that you can download up to these amounts.


what happens if i go over? certain providers will charge you up to 10 centavos for each additional megabyte. other providers will cap your bandwidth limiting it to about 128kbs. back at home, my left shoe had better download speeds than that. you're now sporting something that has the speeds that would have only made al gore happy about circa 1976.


the bandwidth capping is the better of the options and i know was offered through Vivo. however, if you used up 8gb, chances are you're downloading a lot of stuff. if you've gone past 8gb, well, grab a caipirinha, no, scratch that, grab the whole bottle of cachaça. it's gonna take awhile to download anything else.


the overage fees are what will really screw you. let's say that you like downloading something large like movies. you've also maxed out your 8gb allotment of usage. let's say that the typical movie is 700mb. well, do the math, you've just paid 70 reais for that movie on overage fees. quite the deal!


for that amount of money, you could have bought about 14 bootlegged movies on the street.


the reality is, in this day and age, 8gb of internet usage is not really all that much. between, your computer and programs constantly accessing the internet to update and check in with the mothership and your addiction to youtube and other sites, you'll max that out halfway through the month.


my suggestion, go DSL, if they have it in your neighborhood. talk to your neighbors about splitting an internet connection. they won't mind an extra wire running between houses. i mean, it is just another wire...


the first thing i did when i moved into my new place down here was to talk to everyone and see if they had something they wanted to split. more often than not someone will have a connection they'd like to save money on.


if they don't have DSL in your area and you are forced to use these 3g usb modems, that's understandable. you gotta do what you gotta do.


then who are these good for? people that surf the internet like my mama. you know... they log in, check their email, maybe look something up on the internet and then log off. 


then who are these NOT good for? the rest of the modern world who grew up on the internet. people who like to download music and movies, watch endless failblog clips, do video and audio chats, and anything else bandwidth intensive.


remember, this has recently changed. they used to offer unlimited usage. not any more. 


be careful.


that 1080p HD rip of avatar (12gb) you just downloaded may have cost you 1200 reais.


DSL ftw.

boate! nightclubs in brazil. brace yourself.

hey, hey, hey... look who's all prettied up and ready to hit the dancefloor??? you are!


nightclubs (aka boate pronounced:boh-atchee) are all over and waiting for you to get your drink on and tear that dance floor up sideways. however, these clubs are a bit different then what you may be used to.


first of all, dress up. that may seem like a no brainer. but you ain't getting in with those shorts and a t-shirt no matter how cool you think you look. this is mostly directed at guys as i have faith enough in girls to know what to wear when hitting the dance floor.


now, i would strongly NOT recommend going with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, life partner, or that real doll you got used online.


the reason for this, is that this is a make-out spot. plain and simple. here's how it works. 


girls: you make your way into the club, grab that skol you've come to love and stand there with your crew. a guy comes up and asks you to dance or just pulls you out onto the dance floor. whether you realize it or not, you've just gave the signal to that guy that, YES, you would like to make out with him. and trust me, 9 times out of 10 he will try. and don't expect any of those sexy looks as a precursor to making out. it's more of a 'go for it' type of deal. each song or two is basically your time limit to make out with this fellow. if you decide mid-dance floor that you haven't drank enough to want to make out with this particular guy and are giving all the subtle to blatantly obvious signals that you are NOT interested. no matter... he'll still try and make out with you. as long you as are dancing with him, it's game on.


loving it? then get your groove on. skip past the next paragraph (just like in those choose your own adventure books!)


not loving it? tell him to beat it. now, i know that you've spent your life trying to be nice to everyone and it's not in your nature to scold complete strangers. however, trust me on this, be very stern and obvious that you are NOT down. you're being nice will just come off as playing hard to get. when in reality the game that's being played is, "wow, its really hard for this guy to get it." need pointers? just watch the brazilian girls in action. they're pro on telling someone to beat it. wonder why?


so, you liked this guy, and you thought it meant something. how, about you go freshen up with the girls and come back out and..... hey! he's making out with another girl! yep, he sure is. that's how it can play out down here. only until the end of the night will it be come apparent who really wants to go home with whom. (if that's what you're looking for) i would suggest, picking your next dance/make out partner.


want to avoid the making out all together? dance with your girls or your crew. plain and simple. always have a wing man/woman with you when ordering drinks, going to the bathroom, or outside for a smoke.


you guys a couple going to a boate? lets put this plainly. never separate. ever. everevereverever. no one is going to care that they saw you with another guy. the minute he leaves your side. you're fair game. now, here's where it can get complicated. coming back to your girlfriend, partner, or real doll... it can appear as if you are now cock blocking the guy hitting on your other half! well... tread lightly. no one likes to be cock blocked. now, you've got a potential fight in the making. cause nothing says sexy like good old fashioned violence!


if this happens, there's a simple trick. have your other half come near you, as in close but not up to you. then you (the girl) walk to him. this will basically be the signal that the girl has chosen someone else and NOT that the guy hitting on your girl has been interrupted on what was obviously a near love story success.


does this mean clubs suck for couples? NO. just figure out where the clubs that are more for just dancing and less pick up bars. do your homework. it helps.


like being the center of attention and making out with lots of people? then by all means, go for it. it's completely common and normal. you will NOT come off as being easy if you make out with 10 guys in one night. kissing is not viewed as a serious thing down here. sex... well yeah. that's a global standard.


different types of paying in a boate.


there are some places that function just like everywhere else. pay for your cover, get inside, pay for drinks, get groove on, leave. 


there is also something that you will see very commonly. you will pay for your cover and receive a card. on this card there will be a drink menu with a grid in place. this is used to buy your drinks. you hand the bartender your card, he checks off what you ordered, and hands back the card.


this is a kind of vegas style trick. get drunk and play with your card! its not real money at that point! it does however make the line to get drinks go by much faster.


now, at the end of the night, this is where it gets fun. to leave the club, you must pay your bill. if you are one of those people who like to get drunk and spontaneously leave the club, you're in for some frustration. you must wait like everyone else in line to pay to leave.


omg! i lost my card!!! awesome! now those 4 beers just cost 200 reais (or more depending on the place). lost cards tend to have fixed prices to settle the bill. and i tell you this... there will be no sob stories about how you only ordered 2 drinks and how unfair this is. you can try this and see if you are the one billionth person to attempt it, to see if balloons and streamers come out of nowhere with ed mcmahon back from the grave congratulating you as the lucky number 1 billion.







this does make me wonder how many people have ordered like 500 reais in drinks and intentionally lost their card to pay a smaller bill. hmmmm... food for thought.


another thing to keep in mind, is that a lot of places will have free beer included with cover. find out what the free beer is before you approach the bar. they'll have NO problem charging you for ordering another type of beer. these places can end up to be wonderfully fun cheap nights if you are a lush. remember, that the price of these drinks is rolled into the cover. so drink up!


tips? if a place accepts tips, you're most likely in a gringo bar. don't even try and tip unless you want the bartender to chase you halfway through the club trying to give you back your 50 centavos. IT IS NOT RUDE TO NOT TIP. different culture, remember?


a lot times the line at the door will be long. they'll only allow a certain number of people in at a time. make sure to make it clear that you're group is together. that way you're all allowed in at the same time. this one is kinda obvious, but girls get preferential treatment. the more girls you are with (guys) the more likely you are to get in. in a way, it does reduce the chances of walking into a sausage fest.


i'm rich! how about paying the bouncer to get in? oh hell yeah. this is also very common down here. mostly because it works. don't be cheap though, it'll only offend him. and you run the chance of him taking the money and not letting you in. to do this, it doesn't have to be a clandestine operation, like cupping the money in your hand and secretly handing it to him. i wouldn't suggest waving that cash around in his face either. just make sure you got the cash, and he knows it. make sure he knows how many people are in your group too. else you've just paid for yourself to get in and leave your friends on the street. only pay the man once you are waved on in. do NOT give him the money and continue you to wait. that money basically means, 'now, yes, right now.'


interesting debauchery in a boate? commmmmments.

why the hell is everything imported so expensive?!? the basics...

so, you've made your way down here and have got things fairly in order. what's next? time to do some shopping! however...


wait a second... everything is so expensive. things can be up to nearly double if not triple the price!!! ipods, computers, TVs, microwaves, clothes, shoes, and anything and everything else your consumerist mind desires.


what gives???


well, it's the import law and taxes. now, you may tell yourself, 'ok, i can wrap my mind around that.'


however, most other places in the south america you can buy the same goods for much cheaper.


let's take a look at a few items that can be bought online, new, at major internet retailers in both brazil and in the US.


NOTE: i know you can probably find stuff cheaper other places. this is just an example using two big stores in both places. for this comparison, i will be using best buy for the states and lojas americanas for brazil. also, i will be using reais for the currency.

Item	Best Buy (USA)	Lojas Americanas (Brazil)
ipod nano 16gb (black)	R$ 285.25	R$ 679.00
canon digital camera (SD3500IS)	R$ 580.30	R$ 1,699.00
macbook pro (mc024xx/a)	R$ 4,046.83	R$ 8,199.00

now, granted that these are mostly what some would consider luxury items, but i think the point has been mildly illustrated.


what brazil has done here is to jack up the prices on all imported goods in hopes that the average consumer will have no other option than to buy brazilian made goods thus bolstering the economy. this looks good on paper. or does it?


most companies don't have direct distribution points here in brazil because brazilian import law is extremely complicated and so expensive to operate inside of brazil that it doesn't make it worthwhile enough for them to even try.


so, what they have a lot of here is resellers and importers. basically, people that have bought goods abroad, imported them into the country, and have resold the goods to retailers.


let's take a very basic glance at where your money has gone when you shell out 8200 reais for a macbook.


1) the exporter - this guy has taken his cut of the money to export the goods to brazil
2) the importer - this guy has taken his cut of the money to import the goods to brazil
3) the reseller (aka distribution) - this guy has taken his cut of the money to get the goods in the hands of retailers
4) the retailer - this guy has taken his cut of the money to make his share when selling to you


oh yeah... we can't forget...


5) the government - these guys have taken the majority of the money in import taxes just because they can. often times, things can be subject to up to 100% of the original value of the product in taxes. some things can be even higher!


one of my many problems with this system is the fact that brazil doesn't manufacture some of the goods it charges high import taxes on. meaning... you don't have the option to buy the brazilian equivalent. meaning... the system doesn't make sense in these cases. the government is just gouging you on these products because they can. 


my suggestion... do some research before you leave. somethings are much more worthwhile to bring than other things if you plan on living here. when accounting for space in your luggage, i'd recommend doing some shopping up there before coming down here. if you come down here with a shit ton of clothing and not a decent pair of headphones or a cell phone you'll soon realize that you're going to spend way more money on replacing headphones than buying new t-shirts or socks.


here's a small wishlist of things i wish i would have brought...

• bike tool
• computer mouse
• backup cell phone
• certain medications
• more contact lenses
• books, books, books...
• running shoes
• silverware (yes... silverware)
• guitar strings and other accessories
• power strips
• and sooooo much more....

if you plan to move down here and your suitcase is more than 25% filled with clothes. your wallet will kick yourself later.

ohhh i have an idea!!! i'll have my friends or family just ship me stuff down here!!!!

ummm... go ahead and try it. maybe you've heard of the gift trick? have someone put it in wrapping paper and a nice little birthday card on it so the government doesn't put any tax on it cause they think it's not going to be resold. yeah... talk to people who have actually tried that. this government wants your money and they don't really care if it's your birthday (or in this case your non-birthday)

i'll write more on shipping stuff down to brazil in another post.

to wrap this post up, does this mean that it's super expensive to live in brazil??? not really, no. what it does mean is that you'll need to either liberate your brand loyalty or your savings fund to accommodate your brand loyalty.

been mind blown on prices down here? hit that comment box with your story.

"i'm sorry we don't have change."

here in brazil, having little money is a way of life. however, having too much money in the form of big bills can be a curse. anyone, that's been here awhile can attest to the fact that walking out with only a 50 reais note can be difficult to make any small purchases.


hell... they even made a commercial out of this problem that was shown a million times during world cup.







there is a particular store that i frequent nearly daily. generally, to make some small purchases. i have shown up with a 50 reais note, 20 reais note, and even a 10 reais note. and have been denied my purchase because they didn't have any change. in fact, there hasn't been one time that i have shown up without change within 2 reais of my purchase that they haven't had change for.


this is a completely normal annoyance down here. and they generally don't care if they make the sale or not. they will stay open hoping to tend to customers with exact change only.


the point of this is, always prepare yourself with small change. if you know of a few spots that always have change and don't mind you breaking a large bill with a small purchase, i'd suggest you make that a regular pit stop in life.


this is why i'd recommend pharmacies. they tend to have (this is a suggestion, not a guarantee) to have a well stocked till.


going out and about with no small bills will almost guarantee you a wild goose chase for change.


here's a brazilian joke about the whole ordeal:

Um homem entra em uma farmácia e pede ao balconista um comprimido de Viagra.

— São três reais!

O homem saca uma nota de cem reais mas o balconista reclama:

— Não tenho troco!

— Então vou no bar ao lado tomar um lanche e troco o dinheiro.

No bar, ele toma um refrigerante com um lanche e apresenta a mesma nota de 100 para pagar a conta.

— Não tenho troco!

— Tudo bem! Vou na padaria comprar dois pãezinhos e troco o dinheiro.

Na padaria, ele compra os pães e um litro de leite e entrega a nota de 100.

— Não tenho troco!

— Tudo bem, vou trocar na farmácia e já volto!

Uma hora depois, o cara tinha sumido e o cara do bar e o da farmácia se encontram com o rapaz da padaria.

— Puxa, esse Viagra é bom mesmo! — comenta o rapaz. — O sujeito só tomou um comprimido e fodeu nós três!

now for the translation:

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the person at the counter for one Viagra.

— That'll be 3 reais!

The man takes out a 100 reais bill but the person at the counter complains: 

— I don't have any change!

— Ok then, I'll go to the bar next door have a snack and bring back some change.

At the bar, he has a soft drink and a snack and presents the same 100 note reais to pay the bill.

— I don't have any change!

— Ok then! I'll go to the bakery and buy 2 pieces of bread and bring back some change.

In the bakery, he buys the bread and a liter of milk and brings the 100 note reais.

— I don't have any change!

— Very well, I'll break it at the pharmacy and be right back! 

An hour later, the guy having disappeared, the people from the bar and the pharmacy run into the guy from the bakery.

— Damn, that Viagra is really good! — said the guy from the bakery — He only took one dose and screwed all three of us!

i think you get the point. make sure you have SMALL bills. they're more valuable then the sum of their parts.


experiences with change nightmares? put 'em in the comments.

 

Proof of residency (like your house or apartment)

the one thing that will come in extremely useful here in brazil is proof of residency. almost everywhere you to go to get things done will require this... cell phone plans, bank accounts, brazilian ID, everything....


after you move into you new place here in brazil i would strongly ask your landlord to head off to the cartório to get you a declaration of residency. basically, this is a certified document saying that you live where you say you live.


a normal signed rental agreement will NOT typically work.


alongside your CPF this will allow you to get most things done that are contract based.

Cartório for dummies

what is the cartório?


the cartório is like the public notary here in brazil. get to know it. you'll need it at some point or another.


what can i do here?


much like a public notary, here you can make documents official. things like rental agreements, certain types of declarations, etc.


now, there are several different types of cartórios in brazil. before you go to one to get something notarized make sure that it does the type of documents that you are intending to submit.


how do i use it?


you will need to register your signature. this cost around 20 reais and you will be registered at ONLY that cartório. to register your signature you will need to provide:

• ID (Passport works)
• CPF
• a working thumb (thumbprints)

once you have registered your signature you will be able to certify your signature on any documents that you need.

questions? comment it.

getting a cell phone

welcome to the most absurdly priced cell phone services on the planet!


alright! hopefully, by now you should have your CPF in hand and are ready to start getting some new amenities like a cell phone.


first, i would strongly recommend bringing your cell phone with. have it unblocked before you leave. its the law. call your cell phone provider in your country and have them unblock it.


have a cell phone, but didn't unblock it? 
no worries. just about every cell phone store (not the actual providers like Oi, Claro, Vivo, etc.) will offer an unblocking service. this should run you no more than 50 reais. if its more expensive than that find somewhere else, they're ripping you off.


dont have a cell phone?
you have two options: buy a brand new one, or buy a used one. if you buy a used one make sure that it is able to accept a chip from the provider you plan to use. if you're buying a new one... that's a no brainer. go to the store and shop away.


cell phone plans
i'm not going to cover this one in much detail as they can explain to you at the store what you need and how much it costs. however, with almost any plan, expect to have the following ready to get service:

• ID (duh)
• CPF or the printout from the receita federal showing proof of your CPF. i've talked about this here.
• Proof of address. now this does not mean proof of residency or citizenship or anything like that. this means that you have a physical location that you call home here in brazil. this sometimes will require a bill of some sort or a rental contract. apparently, homeless people are not allowed to get cell phone plans. more on this later...

prepaid cell phone plans

if you have a phone, and just need the chip this is pretty easy. all you need to do is visit either a newstand or a pharmacy and buy the chip. they run about 10-15 reais.

in my experience the easiest to deal with is Vivo. you only need to pop in the chip, turn it on, follow the prompts and put in your CPF number. your number will be written on the back of the card. after that, you just need to buy credit for your phone. these can also be purchased at newstands or pharmacies.

remember... cell phones plans and minutes are expensive here in brazil. don't expect to be bored texting your friends with messages like, "hey ;)" it just costs to much. picture messaging is for the rich. internet on your phone? doable, but watch as your piggy bank cries as you drain its innards.

i would also recommend a fairly basic phone. between safety, functionality (you might not be using your hot new android phone for anything but calls and simple texts) and you breaking them being on the beach, its just a good idea. i've had about 4 phones in less than a year.

also, get used to talking to people who have eternally ran out of credit. it happens to everyone and often. being popular here in brazil can cost you a pretty penny.

questions? comment it up!

CPF for dummies

what is this CPF everyone keeps talking about?


Cadastro de Pessoas Físicas. this means registration of physical persons, literally translated.


basically, this is your social security number here in brazil.


here's the official site: http://www.receita.fazenda.gov.br/PessoaFisica/cpf/CadastroPf.htm


why do i need it?


your CPF will allow you get everything you'll need to have a regular life. this includes but is not limited to:

• bank accounts
• cell phones
• internet access
• big purchases
• rentals (house, car, etc.)
• credit cards
• anything you need to do with the government
• etc.

without it, you will be severely limiting yourself to what you can do here in brazil as far as making a life for yourself.

how do i get it?

first you will want to go to the post office. there you can register yourself and start the process for obtaining the CPF. it costs around 6-7 reais. after that, ask the post office where the nearest Receita Federal is. after you sign up for the CPF it will take about 2-3 days to get into the system before you can finalize the deal. next....

you will need to go the Receita Federal (after the 2-3 days). every major city has one. ask around (for success asking where its at, refer to my other post about asking for directions)

once you get there you will need to present a few documents, regardless of what the actual website tells you to bring. if you want to leave the Receita Federal with a CPF number bring:

• passport
• birth certificate
• a mailing address here in brazil (make sure its a place you KNOW it will get to)
• smiles and patience

they say it only takes a passport to get this done. however, you will soon find out that it is helpful to bring as MUCH documentation as you possibly can. trust me on this. this is the land of always lacking ONE document to get anything done.

when you get done doing the deed at Receita Federal they should issue you a CPF. it should (and i stress should) take about a month to be delivered via mail.

the next thing you should do, is visit this site:

Comprovante de Inscrição e de Situação Cadastral no CPF

and print out proof of your CPF. this will come in extremely handy until you receive your actual card. this will aid you in getting some things done and acting as proof of your CPF.

getting your CPF is an excellent primer in dealing with the brazilian system. you really have no excuse for not getting one.

now... once you get your number. don't give it out to just anyone! its as important as your social security number. with it, people can take out cell phones in your name among other things. i also would recommend leaving the card at home unless you really need it. if lost, it can be a pain to get another one reissued.

questions? leave 'em in the comments!

asking people for help

this has been quite the learning experience for me down here. i’ve noticed that everyone is extremely friendly and helpful when asking for advice or information. however, they will offer an answer with absolute certainty regardless of whether or not they know the correct answer or not!


i’ve found myself playing family feud on the streets where i have to go around and ask several people for information and then go with the most popular answer. SURVEY SAYS!


if for example you ask someone, “do you know how to get to the post office from here?”


first person: “sure. its down the street three blocks, down to the right, and next to the fire station.”


you follow said directions. to no avail, you have not found the post office, however, you have found another friendly person willing to offer advice.


second person: “sure. its 4 blocks back the way you came, to the left, near the fire station.”
again. no luck.


third person: “no, no, no, its down the street on left 2 blocks, next to the fire station.”


see a pattern emerging? apparently, you’ve gathered that its near the fire station. ask where the fire station is and now where the post office is as a separate question and i guarantee you, you’ll find what you’re looking for.


i’d suggest whipping out a slew of detective novels for training on how to get to the bottom of the varying different answers offered down here. and remember, everyone will stick to their stories. everyone.
this will apply to any information requested.

safety at night

misconception: thieves tend to target gringos and tourists.

reality: thieves tend to target idiots.

the truth about the crime down here in brazil is that muggings aren't just reserved for tourists and gringos. they are reserved for people that don't follow the basic rules for safety. this applies to brazilians and foreigners alike.

if you start to ask brazilians and other people that have lived here for awhile, they all have stories about knowing people who have been mugged. and while some of these muggings couldn't have been avoided the majority of these stories will end with someone telling you why it was the persons fault who got mugged and how they could have prevented it.

follow some of the basic rules down here and the likelihood of you getting mugged will drop substantially.

going out at night

• dont bring anything you would be afraid to lose. period. no one does down here unless they want to show off. no jewelry, no watches, nothing fancy. bring only what you need for the night until you get to know the neighborhood. this means, money (in your front pocket always), some ID, and perhaps a cell phone. don't even bring your purse. you don't need it for a few drinks and some dance floor action.
• married with a diamond ring? yeah. even that stays home. take a notice to how married women down here have a stone on their wedding ring. very few.
• what about my camera? i wouldn't get in the habit of bringing it everywhere with you. but hell, everyone needs to take some pictures. just don't whip it out in plain view of shady people to snap some pictures. use it in the bar. not outside the bar.
• walk with intent. you may have heard this one before. that's because it's true. people can pick up on someone that's lost by seeing how they react to their mannerisms on the street. even if you do get lost, walk around like you know exactly where you are.
• ask ONLY employees of businesses for directions or advice. seriously. 
• dark alleys? forget about it.
• like to get wasted? great. grab a taxi home. walk in a group (more than 2 preferably) nothing says, 'hey, take my shit, i'm wasted.' than stumbling down the street.
• at night, if you need to make a phone call, go inside a restaurant, gas station, store, anywhere. don't make that phone call on the street.
• in rio: avoid ANYTHING on a hill. these are generally favelas.
• like to pick fights? i wouldnt recommend it unless you're a real life jackie chan. avoid confrontation at all costs. this may seem obvious, but there are some people out there that think they're tough guys. not only are you in the land of brazilian jiu-jitsu but people that fight down here tend to carry weapons. brazilian jiu-jitsu is taught everywhere down here. i'm not suggesting that everyone is a royce gracie. but chances are they know how to handle themselves and you. plus, you've got pack mentality. mess with one, mess with the bunch.
• boa noite cinderela (good night, cinderella) this is what they call a roofie down here. don't leave that drink unattended. if someone buys you a drink, go for it! however, get that drink from the bartender yourself. trust me, the guy hitting on you will understand.
• don't go him with anyone that you or your friends don't know. if you want a fling, go to a motel. seriously. it's very common down here and acceptable. now, this may seem directed at women, but in reality its just as much of a risk if not more for men. being lured back to the lair of a devil woman waiting to ambush you with her crew does happen.
• know the trouble areas and where to stay away from. (remember, this is for people living and staying for extended periods of time here in brazil NOT just tourists) ask people. they'll tell you. even if they live in a shitty neighborhood, they'll tell you that their neighborhood is shitty.
• do not carry weapons that can be used against you. think you packing a knife around will help you? not if it can be taken from you. worse yet... the police find you have it.

what happens if i do get mugged?

• relax. give them what they want. if you've followed the rules above, you're not going to lose much. do not try and be a hero. it won't work here very often.
• tell the police and file a report if you've lost something substantial. if it was some pocket money or something else trivial let it go or else face a response similar to this:

• don't stress about it. it happens everywhere. grab yourself a beer and revel in the fact that now you like every brazilian have a story about being mugged.
• if the chance arises, tell them that you live in the area. they tend not to shit where they eat. now, i wouldnt make this a point to mash in their face or a threat but more of a... 'hey, we all live here' type of deal.

other stuff

crime down here in brazil is perpetuated by necessity. sure there are crackheads and dickbags that take part in all of this. but for the most part, you need to understand that poor people can feed their family for a month off of that camera they snagged from you. they don't want to hurt anybody. they need to put food on the table and pay rent just like anyone else. i'm not justifying it, just trying to put a little bit more understanding behind it. where i'm from in the US, muggings for the most part are from drug addicts trying to feed their habit. it's not entirely like that down here. their conscious allows them to sleep at night knowing that they put a roof over their family and food on the table, and you lost your luxury item that they could only ever dream of purchasing for themselves.

the other thing to realize is that they know how dangerous it is for themselves to be apart of criminal activity down here. it's not a misdemeanor and a slap on the wrist. they face strong punishment inside the law and outside the law if they get caught.

any other tips to add? stick them in the comments.

portuguese required.

first things first... if you plan on staying in brazil for any extended period of time you will need to learn portuguese. this seems like a rather obvious statement, however, i'm not sure how many times i've seen people actually wait to get down here to start learning.


DO NOT WAIT TO GET DOWN HERE.


you have to realize that learning basic grammar prior to getting down to brazil will help much more than you can possibly realize. portuguese is a difficult language to learn and speak coming from english. now, i'm not saying that its impossible or insurmountable. it's just hard. start as soon as you can. learning basic grammar will save you countless hours of frustration.


brazilians are not a culture that will mock you for speaking their language wrong. every brazilian will tell you that even they have difficulty speaking portuguese perfectly. they are always super happy to have someone even try to speak their language.


that being said, when you get here... come with a book or two.


my suggestion to you would be to in the beginning learn phrases not just words. in the beginning, this will be far more helpful to your experience here than just learning raw vocabulary (learn that too, of course).


the reason i suggest this, is because portuguese is similar to english in the regard that they have more colloquialisms than you can possibly imagine. learning these everyday phrases will be extremely useful. here's an example in english...


"What's up?"


now, to you that may seem like the most ordinary phrase in the world. however, if you only studied grammar and vocab, you would be inclined to respond with something silly like...


"Umm... the sky? the ceiling?"


and i'm not talking about your aging, old uncle who thinks its funny to respond that way. i'm talking about basic stuff.


there's one book that i would STRONGLY recommend:


How to say anything in Portuguese

of course, buy all your grammar and vocab books. this is the perfect addition. the reason why is it has phrases for almost every occasion (not just touristy stuff which becomes unhelpful really fast when living here). the other reason why i would recommend it is because the translation is pretty damn good.


TIPS

• Mini-lessons: when i was learning spanish (still trying) one of the things that i did was to study a certain subject before leaving the house. after that i would go directly to a place where i could use my new vocab. for example: learn to ask if they the same thing but bigger, smaller, shinier, etc. the minute you engage in a conversation and your new phrases and vocab works your brain will lock into it much faster than just trying to memorize words and phrases that you might not use for awhile. make sense? 
• Subtitled Movies: this one is kinda obvious. try and watch them with portuguese audio with english subtitles and vice versa.
• Lead the Conversation: this is one of the easiest things you can do to practice your portuguese. if you ask open ended questions, expect to get an answer or story that will follow that will blow your beginner portuguese mind apart. instead, ask closed questions to which you will know the answer to. ask them if they are from rio (or your best guess). not where they grew up. if you know ask questions where you will know one of the limited possible answers to, it will help in keeping the conversation flowing and in a realm where your portuguese is suitable.
• Talk, Talk, Talk: you need to actually open your mouth and talk to people to learn portuguese. shy? get over it. embarrassed? get over it. i'm suggesting you become the life of the party. i'm saying that your brain learns much faster in real life applications than solely in theory.
• Avoid having only english speaking friends: i've seen this more times than i can admit. sure, its easier to form bonds with people you can speak with fluently. and by all means, make friends. however, if you only hang around with people that speak english you will NOT learn portuguese very fast. i understand that its more comfortable. however, it is NOT beneficial to learning a language.
• Embrace your language learning failures: learn to laugh at saying silly things. or people giggling (they're not making fun of you. trust me.) you've picked the perfect spot to make mistakes in learning another language. go with it. in the end, you'll smile and so will everyone else around you.
• Two Language Conversation: so, you've met someone that speaks some english. great! now all they want to do is talk in english with you. great! let them. however, try speaking portuguese on your end and have them respond in english. its a great way to gauge yourself on how well people are understanding your portuguese. this way everyone gets to practice their foreign language skills.
• Take breaks: Ok, einstein... the brain can only take so much. dont try to cram it full of everything all at once. focus on the necessities and remember to break often. its better to master a few areas of conversation first than be able to tell yourself that you breezed through 17 chapters of that portuguese grammar book. you may feel frustrated at first. however, if you take a break, stop thinking in portuguese for awhile, you'll wake up the next day amazed out how much has settled in.

be prepared for your first dream in portuguese. when you have a dream in portuguese you'll know that your brain is switching over to the other language.

NOTE: yes, i speak fluent portuguese.

OTHER STUFF

• brazil is bigger than the continental united states. expect completely different accents and slang between the regions. this is different than almost anywhere else in south america where the accents may differ within a country but not as substantially as they do here in brazil. within time, you'll be able to pick out where people are from based upon their accents as easily as you would be able to tell that someone is from alabama. 
• whoever told you that portuguese and spanish are similar have no idea what they're talking about. what they mean to say is that is more similar than english. grammatically speaking the two languages are similar. however, the similarities stop there. pronunciation and varying vocab make the languages quite different from each other.
• here in brazil pronunciation is important. you can say a word that you saw written down a 1000 times and no one will understand you. the little squigglies above the word tell you where to stress the accents. this is important when ordering things like coconut water. if pronounced incorrectly, you'll be ordering crap water. however, when at the very beginning, just try and learn the words. pronunciation will come naturally.

questions? leave a comment.