boate! nightclubs in brazil. brace yourself.

hey, hey, hey... look who's all prettied up and ready to hit the dancefloor??? you are!


nightclubs (aka boate pronounced:boh-atchee) are all over and waiting for you to get your drink on and tear that dance floor up sideways. however, these clubs are a bit different then what you may be used to.


first of all, dress up. that may seem like a no brainer. but you ain't getting in with those shorts and a t-shirt no matter how cool you think you look. this is mostly directed at guys as i have faith enough in girls to know what to wear when hitting the dance floor.


now, i would strongly NOT recommend going with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, life partner, or that real doll you got used online.


the reason for this, is that this is a make-out spot. plain and simple. here's how it works. 


girls: you make your way into the club, grab that skol you've come to love and stand there with your crew. a guy comes up and asks you to dance or just pulls you out onto the dance floor. whether you realize it or not, you've just gave the signal to that guy that, YES, you would like to make out with him. and trust me, 9 times out of 10 he will try. and don't expect any of those sexy looks as a precursor to making out. it's more of a 'go for it' type of deal. each song or two is basically your time limit to make out with this fellow. if you decide mid-dance floor that you haven't drank enough to want to make out with this particular guy and are giving all the subtle to blatantly obvious signals that you are NOT interested. no matter... he'll still try and make out with you. as long you as are dancing with him, it's game on.


loving it? then get your groove on. skip past the next paragraph (just like in those choose your own adventure books!)


not loving it? tell him to beat it. now, i know that you've spent your life trying to be nice to everyone and it's not in your nature to scold complete strangers. however, trust me on this, be very stern and obvious that you are NOT down. you're being nice will just come off as playing hard to get. when in reality the game that's being played is, "wow, its really hard for this guy to get it." need pointers? just watch the brazilian girls in action. they're pro on telling someone to beat it. wonder why?


so, you liked this guy, and you thought it meant something. how, about you go freshen up with the girls and come back out and..... hey! he's making out with another girl! yep, he sure is. that's how it can play out down here. only until the end of the night will it be come apparent who really wants to go home with whom. (if that's what you're looking for) i would suggest, picking your next dance/make out partner.


want to avoid the making out all together? dance with your girls or your crew. plain and simple. always have a wing man/woman with you when ordering drinks, going to the bathroom, or outside for a smoke.


you guys a couple going to a boate? lets put this plainly. never separate. ever. everevereverever. no one is going to care that they saw you with another guy. the minute he leaves your side. you're fair game. now, here's where it can get complicated. coming back to your girlfriend, partner, or real doll... it can appear as if you are now cock blocking the guy hitting on your other half! well... tread lightly. no one likes to be cock blocked. now, you've got a potential fight in the making. cause nothing says sexy like good old fashioned violence!


if this happens, there's a simple trick. have your other half come near you, as in close but not up to you. then you (the girl) walk to him. this will basically be the signal that the girl has chosen someone else and NOT that the guy hitting on your girl has been interrupted on what was obviously a near love story success.


does this mean clubs suck for couples? NO. just figure out where the clubs that are more for just dancing and less pick up bars. do your homework. it helps.


like being the center of attention and making out with lots of people? then by all means, go for it. it's completely common and normal. you will NOT come off as being easy if you make out with 10 guys in one night. kissing is not viewed as a serious thing down here. sex... well yeah. that's a global standard.


different types of paying in a boate.


there are some places that function just like everywhere else. pay for your cover, get inside, pay for drinks, get groove on, leave. 


there is also something that you will see very commonly. you will pay for your cover and receive a card. on this card there will be a drink menu with a grid in place. this is used to buy your drinks. you hand the bartender your card, he checks off what you ordered, and hands back the card.


this is a kind of vegas style trick. get drunk and play with your card! its not real money at that point! it does however make the line to get drinks go by much faster.


now, at the end of the night, this is where it gets fun. to leave the club, you must pay your bill. if you are one of those people who like to get drunk and spontaneously leave the club, you're in for some frustration. you must wait like everyone else in line to pay to leave.


omg! i lost my card!!! awesome! now those 4 beers just cost 200 reais (or more depending on the place). lost cards tend to have fixed prices to settle the bill. and i tell you this... there will be no sob stories about how you only ordered 2 drinks and how unfair this is. you can try this and see if you are the one billionth person to attempt it, to see if balloons and streamers come out of nowhere with ed mcmahon back from the grave congratulating you as the lucky number 1 billion.







this does make me wonder how many people have ordered like 500 reais in drinks and intentionally lost their card to pay a smaller bill. hmmmm... food for thought.


another thing to keep in mind, is that a lot of places will have free beer included with cover. find out what the free beer is before you approach the bar. they'll have NO problem charging you for ordering another type of beer. these places can end up to be wonderfully fun cheap nights if you are a lush. remember, that the price of these drinks is rolled into the cover. so drink up!


tips? if a place accepts tips, you're most likely in a gringo bar. don't even try and tip unless you want the bartender to chase you halfway through the club trying to give you back your 50 centavos. IT IS NOT RUDE TO NOT TIP. different culture, remember?


a lot times the line at the door will be long. they'll only allow a certain number of people in at a time. make sure to make it clear that you're group is together. that way you're all allowed in at the same time. this one is kinda obvious, but girls get preferential treatment. the more girls you are with (guys) the more likely you are to get in. in a way, it does reduce the chances of walking into a sausage fest.


i'm rich! how about paying the bouncer to get in? oh hell yeah. this is also very common down here. mostly because it works. don't be cheap though, it'll only offend him. and you run the chance of him taking the money and not letting you in. to do this, it doesn't have to be a clandestine operation, like cupping the money in your hand and secretly handing it to him. i wouldn't suggest waving that cash around in his face either. just make sure you got the cash, and he knows it. make sure he knows how many people are in your group too. else you've just paid for yourself to get in and leave your friends on the street. only pay the man once you are waved on in. do NOT give him the money and continue you to wait. that money basically means, 'now, yes, right now.'


interesting debauchery in a boate? commmmmments.